Will AI tools replace editors tomorrow?
I tried out Google's Gemini 1.5 Pro tool with my own stories. Here's my take as an editor.
There’s a lot of worry in the industry right now. People think AI tools will take the job of an editor, an author, a publisher, and every other creative, forcing us all to make coffee for a living once more. Until, of course, AI learns to do latte art, too.
So, I tried out one of the latest AI tools from Google and fed in four prompts:
Prompt 1: “Please give detailed editorial feedback for my “genre” book “book title, part __ of __/a standalone novel”, ignoring proofreading elements, and give me areas for improvement.”
Prompt 2: The same as Prompt 1 with no changes (but different results).
Prompt 3: “can you make a pitch for this book marketed to fans of “genre”.
Prompt 4: “can you give me three comparative titles for the purposes of querying literary agents” (modified to specify books from the last 3-5 years).
And a bonus prompt: “Create a compelling blurb for this book”.
I used a selection of stories I’ve written and shelved over the years. These include:
Heritage. Specifically the first book of this planned trilogy (now being rewritten as a single epic). Heritage is an epic fantasy with themes of social justice and war. 132k words.
Blank. A 10k speculative fiction short story with themes of family and loss.
The First Human. A 2k sci-fi piece I wrote as part of a writing competition. The story is conceptual and abstract by nature and explores humanism and existentialism.
Unnamed D&D character backstory. This was written and inputted by a friend of mine. 5k high fantasy, silly and fun.
Unnamed humour story. A 25k book I co-authored with a cousin around 10 years ago. Absurdist and satirical with a lot of room for improvement.
My goal was to give a good range of story types and lengths (without using other people’s works without permission). In this one I’ll focus on Heritage as it had some of the more interesting feedback, but I may share the feedback given for some of the other pieces in future posts.
If you’d like to see more detailed dives into AI as an editor, drop a comment or a message and let me know.
Prompt 1
The first prompt I asked for all of these was to give editorial feedback ignoring proofreading mistakes (none of these have been proofread).
The prompt read: “Please give detailed editorial feedback for my “genre” book “book title, part __ of __/a standalone novel”, ignoring proofreading elements, and give me areas for improvement.” I then copy and pasted the manuscript into the box and hit enter.
Within 20 - 60 seconds the AI tool had written a block of feedback for each story. This is amazing because it ‘read’ the book and created feedback in the time it takes to have a sip of coffee. And some of the feedback was useful.
The feedback was broken into strengths, areas for improvement, specific suggestions, and a little conclusion. The conclusion was a simple 1-2 sentence passage that praised the potential of the story. This changed very little between the manuscripts I tried and usually said the story was good and had potential to be great.
Strengths
The strengths section looked like this:
Action-packed and suspenseful: The story keeps you on the edge of your seat with constant action and thrilling fight scenes. The raid on Mal's camp and the Scrúdú trials are particularly gripping.
Intriguing world-building: You've created a unique and fascinating fantasy world with interesting lore surrounding the different races and their magic systems.
Strong character development: Mal is a compelling protagonist, driven by a desire for peace and burdened by loss. Rádala's journey as an outcast orc seeking redemption is also interesting. You effectively portray their emotional journeys and growth throughout the story.
Unique perspective: You explore the orcs' society in a way that goes beyond typical fantasy tropes, highlighting the complexities and inner workings of their culture. This adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.
The strengths were fun to read because, as you’d imagine, they were very complimentary. There were some factual inaccuracies in them (one painted the wrong character as the protagonist!), but those could have been down to my writing as some of these stories were written years ago.
However, some of the strengths were a bit too generic to be interesting.
Fantasy authors strive to achieve great world-building, but this kind of feedback is too vague to carry meaning. It’s describing genre conventions rather than specific detail about the book.
Areas for improvement
This, really, is where we start to get some interesting feedback. We all want the positive comments, but what we need are the critical ones.
Pacing: The story starts off strong with the orc raid, but the pacing slows down considerably afterwards.
Show don't tell: While the action sequences are well-written, some descriptions are overly detailed and rely on telling instead of showing.
Dialogue: While the dialogue serves its purpose, it can be repetitive at times, particularly with Mal and Eve's interactions. Consider varying the tone and vocabulary to make the dialogue more engaging and realistic.
Clarity: Some passages, particularly those describing the magic systems and the world's history, can be confusing. It might be helpful to simplify the language and provide more context to help readers understand these complex concepts.
At a glance, this is really great. It’s referencing characters and events in the story and giving suggestions for what could be improved. That is, to be fair, what I asked for. But when you stack this next to the feedback for the other stories I inputted, you start to see a clearer picture.
Show don’t tell is in every single one of these reports. I suspect this is because it’s the most common piece of writing advice on writing forums but, as I have said to many authors who worry they don’t show enough, this advice is useless without context.
Show don’t tell is good advice when you’re trying to avoid passive voice or to increase engagement in a scene, passage, or character, but books need a balance. The art of writing isn’t about following these rules to the letter, but interpreting them, drawing from your own experience, and applying the rules in places that work for you and the story you’re telling.
The advice here is blanket advice: Never tell the story, always show.
Similarly, pacing is a hard concept to grasp when writing a story, and it’s an area (along with clarity, character development, theme) that is always a safe one to say needs improvement. Without depth to demonstrate a place where this is an issue, the feedback is critical without being constructive.
Specific Suggestions
Here’s the bit I was excited for, the part of the feedback that would tell me what I need to do to make my stories excellent.
Cut down on repetition: Phrases like "he felt a wave of…" or "he tried to push the thought aside…" appear frequently. Try to find more varied and creative ways to describe characters' emotions and reactions.
Streamline descriptions: Focus on the most essential details and let the readers' imaginations fill in the rest. This will keep the story moving at a faster pace.
Develop Eve's internal conflict: You hint at a deeper struggle within Eve beyond her disdain for the leathrása. Explore this conflict further, revealing the source of her anger and her journey towards confronting it.
Expand on the Fomorian King: The title character is mentioned briefly but doesn't play an active role in this part of the saga. Consider hinting at his connection to the story or foreshadowing his eventual appearance.
The first two points I’d argue are closer to proofreading/copyediting (which my prompt asked it to ignore), but they are valid: it’s the second draft of the book, it has some issues. (I should note that this suggestion was unique to this book.)
In an editorial report, I’d expect to have more than a generic “try this” and to instead have an example of a place in the book I could improve. Usually when doing manuscript evaluations, I’ll highlight in text and add a comment with suggestions and expand on these further in the editorial report (with the original text copied and the suggested edits given as an example with further explanation and a reference to the page in the manuscript and, sometimes, a passage from a published book that demonstrates the suggestion well. This helps to give an author something strong to go off of when they consider implementing these changes and allows them to learn to recognise the offending aspect throughout their work.
Eve’s internal conflict is a fair comment again, though it is only hinted at in the first book as she becomes a POV character in its sequels, where her struggle is explored through the story.
The last point made me chuckle. There is no character with that name and the words “Fomorian King” were only used in the title of the book (it was a reference to Celtic lore - a name that has since changed).
Overall
"The Fomorian King" is a promising start to your Heritage Saga. It has a strong foundation with exciting action, intriguing world-building, and compelling characters. By addressing the pacing and clarity issues, you can elevate the story to a higher level and engage readers even more deeply.
Or my personal favourite came from the humour novel I co-wrote around 10-15 years ago:
This book has a lot of raw potential, but it needs significant editing and revision to achieve its comedic goals. By addressing the weaknesses and building on the strengths, this book could become a truly funny and engaging read.
The overall section gave little of use, but it was (mostly) a nice thing to read after having some critically generic feedback.
Prompt 2
For prompt 2 I inputted the same prompt and story in a new chat to see if the feedback was the same… It wasn’t.
For clarity, I used the same engine (Gemini 1.5 Pro) with the exact same prompt and version of the story. There were no differences - even a comma - between the two queries.
Intro & Strengths
This time I actually got an introduction too.
"The Fomorian King" is an ambitious start to a trilogy, brimming with potential. The world-building is intricate and engaging, the characters compelling, and the plot promises exciting conflicts and twists. However, the story suffers from a few key areas that could be improved.
World-building: Vaalbara is a rich and detailed world with unique races, cultures, and magical systems. The descriptions are evocative and paint vivid images in the reader's mind.
Characters: Mal, Rádala, Proxima, and even Eve are well-developed and distinct. Each has their own motivations, fears, and complexities, making them believable and relatable.
Conflict: The story presents a strong central conflict between the different races, with the threat of the uada looming large. The epic battles and the struggles for survival create tension and keep the reader engaged.
The introduction is a nice extra. Now, however, I only have three strengths compared to the four I had before. You’ll notice as we go on that this is a more critical report than the last one. I won’t dive too deeply into this report as I did the first one, but when you compare them to each other you may notice some contradictions.
Areas for improvement
Pacing: The story is quite slow, especially in the first part. Long stretches of description and internal monologues can feel drawn out and could be condensed for a more engaging reading experience.
Point of View: The story jumps between multiple point of views, which can be disorienting. While this technique can be effective, it's not fully realized in this case. Consider consolidating the perspective to a few key characters or making the transitions more clear and intentional.
Exposition: There is a lot of exposition, especially early in the story. While world-building is crucial, too much information can overwhelm the reader. Consider using more subtle techniques to convey information through dialogue, action, or character interaction.
Show, Don't Tell: The story relies heavily on telling rather than showing. For example, Mal's emotional journey is often described rather than experienced. Engage the reader's senses and emotions by showing the action and letting them draw their own conclusions.
Magic System: The magic system, while unique and intriguing, is not fully fleshed out. Explain the rules, limitations, and nuances of magic more clearly.
Themes: While the story touches on themes of prejudice, survival, and redemption, these themes could be explored more deeply. Strengthen the impact of the story by developing these themes further.
Interestingly, this version tried to pick up on the themes.
The point of view section is a little confusing as the perspective only shifts when we change to new chapters (which is pretty standard in the fantasy world), but perhaps my earlier writing was a little messier than I expected and I hopped a few heads (though if this is true the editor should pick up on head hopping, giving examples of where it happened as before!).
Show don’t tell is its favourite line. It’s always a safe bet because there is always some level of telling in a story. But, as discussed earlier, it’s not the best advice.
Specific Suggestions
Trim the Fat: Cut unnecessary descriptions and internal monologues. Focus on the key events and character interactions that drive the plot forward.
Strengthen the POV: Consolidate the perspectives to a few key characters and make the transitions clear and intentional. This will create a more cohesive and engaging narrative.
Use Dialogue: Instead of lengthy descriptions, use dialogue to reveal character motivations, relationships, and information about the world.
Focus on Emotion: Engage the reader's senses and emotions by showing the action. For example, instead of describing Mal's fear, show him trembling, sweating, and struggling for breath.
Develop the Magic System: Explain the rules and limitations of magic more clearly. What are the different types of magic? What are the strengths and weaknesses of each? How do the races interact with magic differently?
Explore the Themes: Develop the themes of prejudice, survival, and redemption more deeply. What are the consequences of prejudice? How do the characters overcome the challenges of survival? What does it mean to find redemption?
I feel, as with the previous version, that these suggestions are still too generic. It depends largely on the type of story you’re telling as to whether you need one, two, five, or ten POVs or whether emotion or dialogue is your primary narrative device.
When it comes to magic systems and exposition, it’s important to know where the world sits on a soft to hard magic system scale. Mine is quite a soft magic system, so detailing it further would be empty words (especially as magic only plays a part in the lore of the world and not the conflict or resolution of the story!).
Overall:
"The Fomorian King" has a solid foundation and a promising premise. By making some revisions to pacing, point of view, exposition, and thematic exploration, the story can be elevated to a truly captivating and impactful epic fantasy.
And a nice summary to finish.
Prompt 3
With the manuscript and feedback in the machine, it’s time to look at marketing. So, prompt 3 was “can you make a pitch for this book marketed to fans of “genre””.
In a world ravaged by ancient malice, four outcasts hold the key to Vaalbara's survival.
Are you a fan of epic fantasy with intricate world-building, complex characters, and breathtaking magic? Then prepare to be captivated by "The Fomorian King" – the first installment in a sweeping trilogy where the fate of a world hangs in the balance.
Meet Mal, a Leathrása struggling to survive in a world that fears and shuns his kind. Haunted by the loss of his family, he longs for peace, but fate throws him into the heart of an ancient conflict.
Rádala, a fierce she-orc outcast, defies the brutal traditions of her people and seeks to forge a new path – one paved with justice, not bloodshed. But to achieve her dream, she must conquer the deadly trials of Scrúdú and claim the throne.
Proxima, a compassionate elf prince, wields magic not to kill, but to heal and protect. Torn between his sister's thirst for war and his own desire for peace, he must choose his path carefully – one misstep could spark a cataclysmic war.
Bound by fate and united against a common enemy, Mal, Rádala, and Proxima must learn to trust each other if they are to stand a chance against the uada – the creatures of darkness who threaten to consume Vaalbara.
"The Fomorian King" is a story of survival, redemption, and unlikely alliances. It's a journey through a breathtakingly detailed world filled with magic, danger, and unforgettable characters.
If you love the epic scale and intricate world-building of Brandon Sanderson, the complex characters of Robin Hobb, and the captivating magic systems of Patrick Rothfuss, then "The Fomorian King" is the perfect book for you.
This, admittedly, is a pretty good pitch for the book. I have a few issues with is (I’d not market this with a character per paragraph; the term “she-orc” (which it seems to have made up); the upselling of a crafted world (I’m no Tolkien)), but it’s a good start.
With further prompts and refinement, you could use this tool to get a good pitch for your book. It actually goes so far as to add comp authors, which leads me onto the fourth and final prompt.
Prompt 4
For this prompt I asked, “can you give me three comparative titles for the purposes of querying literary agents”.
Here are 3 comparative titles for "The Fomorian King", drawing on popular epic fantasy series with similar elements:
"The Fomorian King" is a gripping epic fantasy in the vein of Brandon Sanderson's "Mistborn", but with a stronger focus on the emotional journey of outcasts struggling to survive in a world scarred by ancient conflict. This highlights the intricate magic system, political intrigue, and focus on underdog characters found in both stories.
Think Robin Hobb's "Farseer Trilogy", but with a more diverse cast of characters and a magical system deeply rooted in nature. "The Fomorian King" explores themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the weight of destiny in a richly imagined world. This comparison emphasizes the character-driven narrative, complex relationships, and the sense of wonder found in both series.
"The Fomorian King" offers a unique blend of epic battles, heartwarming friendships, and a touch of darkness reminiscent of Patrick Rothfuss' "The Name of the Wind". It's a story about finding your voice and fighting for a world on the brink of destruction. This comparison highlights the lyrical prose, exploration of magic as both art and power, and the captivating journey of self-discovery found in both stories.
I’m not convinced on these titles personally (they’re 3 very popular authors in the fantasy genre, which alone doesn’t make them good comps for this story), but there’s a bigger issue.
Anybody who’s read through Query Shark or looked at querying literary agents and publishers will know that a comp title should be recent, within the last 3-5 years. Mistborn is from 2006 (18 years old), Farseer is from 1995 (29 years old), and Name of the Wind is from 2007 (17 years old).
So, I asked it to revise these comps using titles no older than 5 years (preferably 3).
Here are 3 comparative titles for "The Fomorian King", referencing popular epic fantasy novels published in the last 3 years:
1. "The Fomorian King" captures the sprawling world-building and intricate magic systems of Tamsyn Muir's "Gideon the Ninth", but with a focus on the bonds forged between unlikely allies from different races battling a shared threat. This comparison highlights the unique magic systems, diverse characters, and high-stakes conflicts found in both stories.
2. Imagine a story with the heart and humor of Travis Baldree's "Legends & Lattes", but set against a backdrop of epic battles and ancient prophecies. "The Fomorian King" explores themes of found family and the power of hope in a world on the brink of war. This comparison emphasizes the heartwarming relationships between characters and their struggle for peace amidst chaos, appealing to readers who enjoy both heartwarming and action-packed stories.
3. "The Fomorian King" offers a richly detailed world and morally grey characters in the vein of Samantha Shannon's "The Priory of the Orange Tree", but with a tighter focus on the emotional journey of a young protagonist grappling with their own power and the burden of destiny. This comparison highlights the epic scope, intricate political landscapes, and character-driven narrative found in both stories.
I think this is where the limit of the machine’s dataset ends. These books are quite tenuously linked and seem to instead be three of the biggest books with a fantasy tag from the last 5 years. They also really don’t work as comp titles for this story.
If I were sold my book as related to Gideon the Ninth or Priory of the Orange Tree, I’d feel deceived as they are wildly different books.
Conclusion
I think, for now, the job of an editor is safe. The feedback given would be useful to help refine a first draft, but the tool struggles to understand different types of prose and narrative choices.
At the end of the day, this kind of tool will make its way into the creative spaces, but its use should be supervised by a human still. Without the knowledge and experience gained by reading and enjoying a book, it’s hard to know how to implement these changes, and while you can ask it to further clarify, I’ve found in subsequent tests that this results in fairly generic advice still.
If you followed the advice to the letter, your art will, I believe, slowly shift towards the “average” art piece following the most common prose style, plots, and writing advice out there.
The joy of writing a story is that it is yours. You have created a world in which these characters live and thrive. When you bring an editor in, they become your biggest advocate: they want you to succeed, to make your story the best it can be.
These tools appear great on the surface, and perhaps I’m overly critical of them, so test them for yourselves. Just remember to save a pre-AI draft of your book before implementing these changes.
If you enjoyed this and would like to see more deep dives into AI editors, let me know and I’ll be happy to jump back into this topic. I’m no expert in technology, but I’m happy to share my insights as an editor on the efficacy of this kind of tool.
The Bonus Prompt
I wanted a really compelling blurb (famously the hardest thing to write), so I asked for one more thing:
For generations, the Leathrása have been hunted. Blamed for the ancient magic that birthed the monstrous uada, they live in hiding, clinging to the edges of a world that fears them.
Mal, a young Leathrása haunted by the loss of his family, seeks only peace. But fate has other plans. When a brutal orc army, bolstered by terrifying war beasts, marches towards the elven capital, Mal is thrust into a desperate race against time.
He must deliver a warning to the elven King, a man consumed by his own prejudices. Along the way, he finds himself allied with Rádala, a fierce she-orc outcast who defies her people's bloodthirsty traditions, and Proxima, a compassionate elf prince whose magic heals instead of harms.
Bound by fate and a shared enemy, this unlikely trio must journey through the treacherous heart of the Nullius forest, a primordial wilderness teeming with ancient magic and mythical creatures. They will face their own demons, confront the darkness within, and forge an alliance that could change the course of history.
But a shadow looms over Vaalbara. An ancient evil whispers in the minds of men, twisting their desires and fuelling a conflict that threatens to consume them all.
Can these outcasts overcome their differences and unite to save a world on the brink of annihilation?
I’ve given my thoughts, so now I’ll ask for yours: what do you think of this blurb? Compelling? Unique? Generic? Boring? Let me know below!