In a way...
'In a way' is a common phrase I see when editing books. Here's why you should consider rephrasing and how you can go about improving your prose.
People do things in a way.
Characters do thing in a way.
But look at this passage:
“Join me,” he whispered in a snarl.
Gemma looked up in a confused way. “Why?”
“Because,” he whispered in a deeper snarl, “I’m the only one who can save you.”
There are some issues here (of course there are, why would I use it if there weren’t?), but they’re easily fixed.
First, let’s identify the problems.
The prose is messy. It takes too long to give us the information we need/want.
We don’t realise the ‘he’ in this is actually trying to help until his last line.
So, let’s fix these problems.
Messy Prose
The heart of the problem comes in the phrase ‘in a way’, which can be swapped out for a single verb. In the case of ‘whispered in a snarl’ we can choose either ‘snarled’ or ‘he whispered, snarling’.
I prefer the first option as it’s a tidier and gives us more options with the prose. We can fit an action or reaction into the line without breaking its flow.
Similarly ‘in a confused way’ can be replaced with ‘[,] confused’ and ‘in a deeper snarl’, while it shows an evolution of the previous action, can be replaced with another action or removed entirely.
Tidier prose:
“Join me,” he snarled.
Gemma looked up, confused. “Why?”
“Because,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “I’m the only one who can save you.”
Better but not perfect. Onto problem 2!
Character Intent
As I said above, we don’t realise the ‘he’ in this is trying to help until his last line. This is because the verbs don’t match the emotions or intentions of the characters/scene.
(Don’t worry if you see this in your own writing, it’s a very common thing I see in books I edit and really easy to fix with or without an editor!)
‘Snarl’ implies something sinister or animalistic – a snarling dog is aggressive; a man snarling in your ear in angry. ‘Whisper’ is a softer verb and, when coupled with an adverb/adjective or a second action, can give us a clearer and less threatening image.
Similarly, using a synonym for the verb in question may give us something that better suits the scene. ‘Whispered’ can become ‘spoke softly’, which implies a safer tone than ‘snarled’.
Matching intent:
“Join me,” he spoke softly.
Gemma looked up, confused. “Why?”
“Because,” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “I’m the only one who can save you.”
You could further expand on this scene, adding actions to the dialogue tags to help flesh out the characters, their emotions, and their intentions. For the purposes of this post though, this is a fixed passage.
You may edit this in a very different way to me and that’s fine! There’s no perfect sentence or perfect word - writing is a hugely subjective craft.
But there are ways of constructing sentences that are more taxing on a reader than others. Being aware of these in your own writing will help you better connect with your readers and allow you to communicate the story you want to tell in a more clear and exciting way (does anybody want to fix my ‘in a way’ there?).